Useful Market Terminology

So here it is - it's currently the frantic late-winter season for penultimate-year lawyer-wannabes to go around the City attending interviews for 2006 'summer placements' (read: well-paid office boy/girlship). Having been to one or two such "commercially-oriented" interviews and having heard of others who have endured the same ordeal, perhaps it would be a good idea to consider some of the more complex terminology (read: utter jargon) that one might fairly expect to encounter on such 'friendly' conversations:

Diversification : When Ah Seng has been repairing bicycles for 20 years and decides to start repairing motorcycles as well

Flotation : Something you do when your ferry sinks and you happen to find some loose plank in the water. Also - something Leonardo DiCaprio failed to do in Titanic

Initial Public Offer (IPO) : When Ah Lian receives a fresh batch of veggies first thing in the morning and calls out "satu kilo dua ringgitttttt !!"

Stock Options : When Kedai Runcit Linggam runs out of tomato ketchup and has to decide whether to order Kimball or order Maggi

Money Laundering : What happens when you accidentally leave some cash in the trousers you stuff into the washing machine

Recapitalisation : When you drive all the way to downtown KL only to find that the government department you want has moved to Putrajaya

Market Recapitalisation : When Pasar Awam Batu Pahat moves from Jalan Mohd.Akil to Jalan Shahbandar

Securitisation : When Minah hires Mr.Singh to guard her jewellery shop

Due Diligence : When your SPM exam is coming up and you memorise everything in your Pelangi reference book as well as your friend's Sasbadi reference book

Market Research : When you survey 6 veggie stalls before concluding that Ah Lian has the cheapest garlic on offer

Partnership : What you get when you tell a girl "I love you" and she says "I love you too"

Limited Liability : When the fish fillet you fry turns out lousy and you blame it on "cheap Tesco food"

Franchise : When you want a business rival to "disappear" and you hire some illegal Indons to do it for you

Fragmentation : What happens when you accidentally drop your favourite glass

Asset stripping : What muggers routinely do at Underground platforms

Freezing order : When it is a cold rainy day and Cikgu Zamri goes "you haven't done your homework, go stand outside!!"

In receivership : The position of children and unmarried bachelors during Chinese New Year when angpows start going around

Just some idle thoughts of mine while on the way home =P


Wilson